(DL36) CRIMINAL X - Ernie Else is a Police Informant

A Chesterfield based punk band here with no airs and graces just 4 noisy disgraces who have beaten around the block, plucked and fucked with gusto and are still at it...regardless. Some may call it a form of madness, some may say it is a passion in the blood and there are even those that say (on the grapevine) that the fuckers need locking away at her majesties displeasure. And so here I am with many tracks to textually molest and hopefully come out with something akin to the truth, the arthritic digits are still crossed.

We get started with a song known as 'Criminal Sex', a tasteless roll out that begins with a '5 Minute' tick threat before guitars peel and the mid-paced drive comes. A tale of the disturbed, the sinister element in your social safety knickers, the fingers in your fanny pie of freedom - or something like that! The abrasive gruffness and the direct drill of the ditty has the most basic spiked essences ideal for the aging punk noodle and the angry potent forthrightness has an appeal that needs little up-close and personal scrutiny. This opening belt has no head-popping moments of originality and is far from the cream the cacophonic cat got and, after years of reviewing noise and having my head immersed in the genre, I couldn't care fuckin' less. It does what it does, sometimes the frills are not needed. '1984' cements the style of the CD, thumps and skids before ploughing forth with old school direction and uncomplicated lyrics then bangs the output right in yer mush. The drum beat is incessant and drives the guts of the band into a full on fizz-bang of fired up tightness that is nothing short of frenzied fury - the crew are old enough to know better, thank fuck they don't!

'Feedback Problem' appropriately twinges in before sourcing a sonic pool of tonality that has few ripples and an average amount of cruddy cacophony. This is the tamest song thus far and comes and goes with very little impact. The acidic edge and general snap of the wanking wires is just not there and this is a definite motion meander that comes out neither stinking of shit or indeed roses - I class it as middling sir, middling. 'Drug Squad' bands another nail into the previous songs coffin by being a quite wound up number with a snagging chorus hook not to be easily freed from. The tribal drums that open proceedings prepare the lugs, the slow ascension of string screws enthuse and the feisty delivery, when coupled with the swift running time, make this punk rock to roll around the palate many times over - if you choose to spit or swallow then that is your choice, just make sure you suck off the sonic shaft first!

Next up and 4 dashing dissections. The assessing scalpel is flashed and 'America', is a song that pummels away at the half-baked head of the US of A and all those who voted in power the Satsuma-tinted twat as well as all those who believe the deviant dream. A swift swinging number that has cuts of hard chopping and a middle plod detonation of foot-stamping authority amidst the general flow. All usual stuff and as snarled and snotty as the bastards in the pit will want it - not bad. 'Gangster' whizzes along and operates on a repetitive routine that incessantly wraps around itself and builds up an impetus that is bog-standard and without alteration but which does the job at hand. 'English Schoolboy' creeps with malevolence and has a Sub-sy edge akin to something that told us 'You Don't Belong'. This offering has deep resonations and shakes its ass with a groovy conviction. The effort doesn't overstay its welcome and keeps the CD moving in the same confident direction. The last of the fast four is just idiot bullshit done in the crudest style. The song 'I Wanna Fuck' was originally a Screaching Weasel cold turd and here it stays just as chilled. I suppose it lacks any shock value and has no depth or musical insight - it is what it is and hey, even though I rate this as 'shite' I know many goons with gonads on fire who'll love this - it's a man thing I think!

'Steal Yer Car' is idiocy that repeat slaps with sound relish, easily gets beneath the attentive skin and is a cacophonic catalyst to get a decent reaction. Again, the intrinsically basic elements are used and fused but done so with such passionate and head down fervour as well as a good level of adhesion that even this critical cunt enjoys it. A stabbing song, one that cuts deep and wrenches the guts - lovely! 'Hell Of A Long Time Dead' is a bursting song that encourages you to get up and go for it and remember you won't be here forever and so best make the most of it. If you can do this and harm no-one and leave a decent mark that enthuses others I reckon it is sound advice. Mind you, if you are one of the massed selfish fucks in this life for your own experience and ego then go fuck ya. The song jumps straight through the starting tape and thunders along the tuned turf with the ass whip forever brandished and a regular foamed up gallop maintained until the last push for the line that sees the juiced up jockeys gasp home - good on em' the feisty fuckers.

3 left and 'Prostitute' opens its legs, gets itself fucked with a rip roaring shag of sound and left in a heap to contemplate selling ones soul to the dirty devils for a bit of cash and, more than likely, a quick fix afterwards. The song is in and out and shakes it all about, something akin to one of the dipped todgers the whore under the spotlight gets regularly shafted by - bah, it is a sad old world. 'Town Mentality' is another swift sizzler, it deals with the pin-sized minds who live and dwell in the insignificant land of nowhere where tiddling fish make minor waves whilst falling out with genital-challenged minnows in the same sloshing swill. I have lived in some right shitholes and seen some real small-time shits make a mess of a situation that should be blissful - what the fuck is wrong with these folk? The tub-thumping invokes rages here, the fuzzery niggles out frustration and this simplistically arranged song may lack depth, may lack experimentation but is bread and butter punk we will be chomping on forever more - and why that is I cannot explain - something in the blood I think! The fuck off comes with a cover (not the most ideal way to finish in this DIY gits opinion) and is a well-known ditty we have all pinged and pogoed to over the years. 'Pills' has been done by many bands throughout the spiked ages and I have to hold my hands up that this is a decent effort and has the bouncing verve and general rock and roll gusto we have always been attracted to. I should have a dig here but I would be going against the gut so I sign off, drop me trollies and waggle my privates to a fine, invigorating finish.

Look, this is a run of the mill punk CD and that isn't a bad thing. I run my mental digits over much music these days and it is always a pleasure to get back to ground zero and appreciate the roots that have always turned me on. Like I say, it is the liquid that runs in the veins that one must trust and for me you have to make up your own mind. I hope I have been fair here, I hope that I have got many a point across and I hope you invest some time, have an aural peek and perhaps invest - it is all hope!

www.fungalpunknature.co.uk


(DL36) CRIMINAL X - Ernie Else is a Police Informant

I fucking love these guys!

Sham 69 and The Exploited had a deranged love child and the coppers named it Criminal X.

First track, “Criminal Sex” you’re thinking these guys just might be completely insane with lyrics like “Herpes, syphilis, he’s had the lot, he’s caught them off his mum, he’s had his brother and sis, he’s been up his father’s bum” (I was laughing my ass off on this one).

Then you’re wanting to know where this is going next, and they surprise you with “1984” a politically charged throw down. “Feels like 1984, police are on the streets, Corruption in the government, their fighting for their seats, Everyone wants a riot, and everyone’s on the dole, No more Tory Government, the police are out of control”  Then you realize they are serious, and it’s one great song after another.

The songs are short and to the point, it feels like a brilliant mix of Oi and HC Punk. I haven’t heard many bands that can pull all this off so well but they have it down. The songs can be catchy and easy to get into.

In short Criminal X is a great band. Call it Oi or Punk or what the fuck ever, the bottom line is it’s just damn good music. This is a band I’d love to see live, and I am glad to have them in my collection. Give them a go, you won’t be disappointed.

By Craig LeSieg www.punkhouse.net


 


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